I want you to change the way you look at Boundaries.
I want you to change the way you’ve been looking at Boundaries for your entire life.
Working with me, you are going to begin to only see Boundaries as the following three concepts:
- You and I having a difference of opinion does not make me unsafe.
- I don’t have to speak everything I think. (this of this as “the space between what I think and what I say.”)
- I don’t have to absorb everything I hear. (think of this as “the space between what I hear and what I absorb.”)
These are the Containment & Protective Boundaries I have been talking about in my videos and other posts.
Every decision you make that does not fit into those categories is not about Boundaries.
The common example in today’s world of “If you do (or don’t) xyz one more time, I’m taking the kids and sleeping at my mom’s,” is not about Boundaries.
That is not a Boundary you are setting for your spouse to no longer cross.
It’s a CONSEQUENCE.
It’s a consequence for his behavior.
It’s still likely a good decision and good for you for taking a stance.
It’s just not a boundary when you’re using “Vickey Language.”
(BTW – “Vickey Language” is actually “Living Relationally.” This is a whole new lens through which you will be viewing the world and acting in it when you begin working with me)
There are consequences for all of our behaviors in the adult world:
I can drive whatever speed I want on the highway. I really can. I might get into an accident and I might get a ticket.
I can show up whatever time I want to for work. I might get fired.
See the consequences of my actions?
And you must be in Healthy Self Esteem to set those consequences.
This is another example of how healthy Self Esteem and healthy Boundaries affect our decision making.
You must believe you are allowed to make those decisions.
You ARE allowed to make those decisions – but don’t take my word for it! Believe it for yourself because it’s true.
And when you do truly believe the following statements, you will feel liberated to make decisions that fit for your life, your world:
- I stand equal to all – eye to eye and toe to toe.
- I have worth because I was born.
- My worth does not come from you or your approval, it comes from being born.
Change the way you look at Boundaries and Consequences.
Both are still true and valid. I’m not negating anything you’ve been doing.
When your language becomes more clear, your decisions will come more easily and make more sense to you.