As I’ve been talking about self esteem, I have introduced you to concepts of the Center of Equality and Better Than/Less Than.
The Center of Equality is where you say: I stand equal to all. Eye to eye and toe to toe. I am not Better Than others, I am not Less Than others. This is the goal.
And I have said that the emotion behind both is Contempt. When I’m in Less Than, the contempt is pointed in. When I’m in Better Than, the contempt is pointed out.
Today I want to change that verbiage a bit. People questioned, “How will I know if I’m feeling contempt?” It was a bit nebulous for them.
I realized it’s easier to understand “Judgment”. When I am in judgment of somebody else, or in judgment of myself. And we know when we’re in judgment, especially of someone else. It’s not always as easy to tell when we’re judging ourselves, but shame is absolutely self-judgment. Even if we don’t recognize it as shame, we recognize how icky it feels.
When we’re in Better Than, we are looking down judging someone else. But what if they deserve my judgment? (Like the guy who cuts me off in traffic?)
I don’t deserve to have that judgment in me anymore. So let’s step out of that judgment of others so that it no longer lives within us. Because so long as it’s in there, there’s also a chance it could become pointed towards you.
When you notice that you’re judging someone else, recognize, “I’m in Better Than” and breathe yourself back down into your Center of Equality. How? Remember that they matter.
If you’re up, say: “they matter too.” If you’re down, say: “I matter too.” This is how you breathe yourself up or down to get back to your center.
Let me know your thoughts on this! Get in touch with me and let’s have a dialogue!
And don’t forget to grab my free guide to Healthy Self Esteem and Confident Decision Making at yourdecisiondiva.com!