Does it seem strange that you could hurt someone else when you’re in low self esteem?
One of my therapy couples—the husband, Brandon—had been out of work for awhile and was feeling pretty down on himself for not enjoying that unemployed time with his kids enough. It was because they’re challenging; anyone who is at home with the kids knows how difficult that can be. So he’d had a rough couple of months with his kids and felt that he hadn’t “appreciated” them enough.
Friday morning, he immediately went into Less Than: “I’m this horrible father, I didn’t appreciate my time with my kids enough”, etc. And he stayed there.
(If you follow my content, you will know that this is where we need to use our affirmations to breathe ourselves back up into equality. Don’t forget to get the affirmations here: yourdecisiondiva.com)
He was berating himself all morning, just living in Less Than. So what happened later?
His wife was working from home, she came downstairs, and he lashed out and attacked her. The reason was is that he was feeling Less Than (the Contempt Cycle).
And when we lash out from Less Than, we bounce into “I’m Better Than you”—which brought him back down even deeper into Less Than because then he was not only feeling like a horrible father, he was feeling like a horrible husband for lashing out at his wife. The higher you go into Better Than, the harder you will crash back into Less Than.
So the two things I want to point out:
How do we hurt someone else when we’re in Less Than?
First, we tend to bounce up into Better Than to feel better about it and lash out, which hurts the other person.
Second, when the other person is in Healthy Self Esteem, like Brandon’s wife was, they can see you’re in Less Than and then it is painful to see the person they love berating themself.
Be sure to check out my other blog: Is it Selfish to Be Healthy? All about the Contempt Cycle and how to step out of it, and if you haven’t already, get the Free Guide to Healthy Self Esteem and Confident Decision Making at yourdecisiondiva.com!
Book a quick consultation with me to talk about working together to get you out of the Contempt Cycle using healthy self esteem and healthy boundaries!