Being Balanced

Something came up in a session today…If you remember the EASA Lens of Self Esteem (which is actually derived from Pia Melody and Terry ReaI; just call it the EASA lens because it fits with my name)

E is for esteem, A is for Achievements, S is for Society and A is for Attributes and Assets.

This client today specifically decided she falls into Society Based Esteem (she derives her worth from other people and what they think of her.) She was cuddling with her husband and he was holding her and said, “You know, honey, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you. And we were at that work event a couple of nights ago and you were so wonderful and I was so happy and proud to have you there with me as my wife. You’re so lovely, welcoming and you get along with people so well”

And she was saying in session she was so filled up and so happy about that—and then she cringed and went, “Ooh…am I allowed to enjoy that? Or was that my worth?”

And I said, “I don’t think I’ve gone over with you what I call my balance; my scale.”

Picture the justice scale with the woman holding a scale. Starting with Society Based since it applies to her situation…connection if you’re feeling connected to someone, that is your optimal state. So ask yourself, “Am I feeling connected to this person? Or am I getting my worth and value from them?”

Because she felt connected to her husband, she was not deriving her worth from him and his compliments. That was an optimal state. That’s being in inherent self esteem: I have worth because I was born and I feel connected to my husband.

If you’re in Achievement Based Esteem: do you take pride in what you do? Are you good at what you do? Do you try hard and feel good at the end of the day? Or does your worth stem from it? There’s the balance: pride vs. self worth.

Asset Based: Do you have the right car, TV, house or boat? We’re allowed to be entertained by what we own and have fun. But if you derive your worth from those things, that’s when you’re in Asset Based Esteem. Is it entertaining, or are you getting your worth from it? See where the balance is?

Connectedness, pride in our work, enjoying the things we have are optimal states and so long as you’re not getting your self worth from these things, it’s healthy.

Are you wondering which side of the scale you’re on in certain areas of your life? Let’s work together to figure that out! Contact me here and we can set up a free consultation call.